The day began at the 24th street cafe in Bakersfield, California with a gourmet breakfast served expertly by attractive young women.
It was then off to Fred Cummings Honda Suzuki, to unload, dress up, and have pictures taken. As usual, a crowd formed around the stars of the show, the RG500/400 GAMMA's.
Since it was starting to warm up, a quick departure was made in an attempt to gain altitude and lower the temperature.
After a 50 mile trip on the Woody/Glennville Highway we stopped for a gas refill and visit to the Kernville US Forest Service station.
Since I wanted to ride Mike G's Marchesini wheel'ed, Nikon pip'ed, Fox shock'ed, and Race Tech forked RG500, we quickly agreed to swap bikes. Leading the way, and cruising along the upper Kern River Canyon, I spotted the very same Forest Service Ranger (lets call him Richard - or perhaps more appropriately, DICK!) that gave one of my dirt bike riding buddies a ticket 5 weeks prior.
Feeling frisky, I gave DICK! a hearty wave and a solid blip of throttle on the Nikon exhausted 500. DICK! charged around his Ford Bronco as if he spotted Bin Laden riding through on a camel. DICK! seeing no speeding, reckless riding, wheelies, or his daughter/wife on the back, decided no pursuit was necessary.
While I was feeling groovy about my two wheeled insult, Mike G was behind on my RG400 - WIDE FULL OPEN, passing cars over the SOLID yellow line, winding up RPM's to oh about redline, RIGHT PAST DICK!!!!!!!!!!! Mike G. never even saw the ranger, until the yellow of DICK'S! teeth were visible. Now the chase was on.
Looking back in mirror, no RG400 was apparent. Hmmmm, I thought, perhaps the overwhelming HP and torque of the baby GAMMA could have got the best of Mike G. So I turned around, nervously scanning the ditches for signs of my bike.
Coming round a bend there was DICK!, DICK'S! accomplice and helper (lets call him, CHEESE!), and Mike G, looking none too happy. Calmly pulling in behind the spectacle, I shut off the engine a sat there, unsuccessfully trying to look invisible.
DICK! and CHEESE! immediately noticed my arrival, and as they approached, I calmly asked, "How can I help you?", TAKE OFF YOUR HELMET NOW, once again, "How can I help you?", MUCH MORE FORCEFULLY WITH HAND ON GUN - TAKE OFF YOUR HELMET!!!!!!!!. At this point, taking off the helmet seemed like a good idea.
DICK! - We think you were crossing the solid double yellow and speeding.
MY REPLY, sorry DICK!, but I have no knowledge of any illegal motor vehicle operation on my part.
DICK! - I KNOW you were even though no one saw you! Just admit to me that you crossed the double yellow some time today, and you won't get written up.
MY REPLY, yes I did cross the double yellow, turning left to park here!
DICK! - Mumbled something incomprehensible, and shuffled off to write Mike G a big fat passing on the doulble yellow ticket, while riding the RG400!!!
CHEESE! - Jeez, you guys should be riding HARLEY's, so you wouldn't ride so fast!
MY REPLY - Do you ride!
CHEESE! - No, not a bike guy myself.
MY THOUGHT - Unprintable!
At this point all Forest Service Law Enforcement resources were being vectored onto this road, in an attempt to get me for ANYTHING they could. We decided to abort the ride and turn around. Riding back at 25 mph down the entire canyon (15 to 20 miles) confirmed that every law enforcement resource in the Kern River Canyon was coming towards us, radar's on full stun.
Luckily, no further interruptions occurred, and the ride back was uneventful.
Set your calendar for the 2nd Annual Sierra GAMMA/HARLEY Ride, September 15, 1999!
Mike Berg
RG500 Index